why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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