so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
