every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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