there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
