Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
