im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
