dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everclear isn't food dammit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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