my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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