IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
