I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
