3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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