I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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