I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
