Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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