he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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