I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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