At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
