I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
