I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
