Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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