Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
