i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
