I bet he comes in French.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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