I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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