if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
