so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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