I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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