i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
