dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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