I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
