im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
