I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
