i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
