i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I will be naked everywhere
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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