We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Boobs speak an international language.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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