my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
