We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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