there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Four minutes until I can fart!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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