By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
