Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
