I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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