I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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