Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
