All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
