and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
