the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
