why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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