biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
