I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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