Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
