she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
