If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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