so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
