Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
