Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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