went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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