she was so not down for the gang bang
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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