I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
